Long-running arguments often have different triggers but the same structure: one pursues, the other withdraws; stronger pressure creates greater distance.
The cycle is the problem
Each person responds to and reinforces the other. Criticism may hide fear of abandonment; silence may hide fear of humiliation or being overwhelmed.
- notice the trigger
- name vulnerability
- agree on a pause
A couple and a family are not identical
Couples need intimacy and space for two. Families organise care, safety and rules. When only family functions remain, the partnership becomes depleted.
New experience grows gradually
Useful agreements are specific: who does what and when, how changes are communicated and how the conversation is resumed.
This article is for information and does not replace an individual consultation with a psychologist.
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