Passivity gives another person the right to decide; aggression takes that right away. Assertiveness recognises the value and agency of both people.
Three interaction styles
Passive people agree and accumulate resentment. Aggressive people use fear. Assertive people state their position and tolerate difference.
- fact without judgement
- feeling and need
- specific request
A clear response
A useful structure is: “When this happens, I feel…, what matters to me is…, so I am asking…”. A refusal can also be kind and firm.
A skill that needs practice
People punished for disagreement may initially struggle with another person’s disappointment. Begin with safer situations and shorter sentences.
This article is for information and does not replace an individual consultation with a psychologist.
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